When the time is ripe for inner work

The need to do inner work does not arise in us from one day to another. It comes, first, like a whisper in the night, softly telling us all is not right, trying to reach us through our comfort, complacency or sheer unawareness. The majority of us will slumber right on through; a precious few will listen up and begin the journey by gathering information, reading some books or articles and, perhaps, joining online forums to see if others have also experienced this niggling feeling. Almost nobody will, at this stage, begin the actual process of intensive, emotion-based inner work because it seems that we, as humans, need things to get worse rather than better in order to act. Perhaps that is as it should be. For we also need to be truly ready and willing, not only aware.

What this means is that we won’t typically fully pay attention until something more serious hits us - a shout, this time, perhaps from our bodies manifesting particular chronic or acute medical issues which, as well as having a physiological cause, tend to be linked with stress, anxiety and/or lifestyle factors borne out of certain choices we’re making that may not be coming from our most rational or caring selves (to ourselves or others).

And then, suddenly, as we groan in bed with chronic gastritis or take another day of refuge away from life in a darkened room to nurture our migraines – feeling the weight of guilt and helplessness to boot as we hear our child, friends, colleagues and others asking for us – we realise that something crucial needs to change. Those of us who do nothing at this stage may continue to experience our painful symptoms (some to an extreme extent). Others may make certain helpful resolutions, such as a healthier diet, building in more time for exercise and relaxation, perhaps even quitting a current environment we're in (such as work or a relationship). These actions will certainly help to soothe and settle the symptoms, for a time, and enable us to enjoy life and learn anew.

The problem here is that our psyche – our soul, if you will – does not stop speaking to us from the depths simply because we’ve given up meat or now take time out for mindfulness and meditation. Once these new habits take us as far as they can in terms of new growth, learning and health, those of us for whom that isn't enough will, once again, be given another invitation to move a step further up the spiral towards self-actualisation. And this one is likely to be just as un-pretty as the last – perhaps even uglier. Now tired of talking and yelling as a way of getting your attention, at this point your mind and body are likely to go into a nameless slump, a feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness and deep disappointment that all the positive changes you’ve made so far just aren’t contributing to feeling well, peaceful, grounded and strong. That what you tried to make happen just hasn’t worked. That the choices you’ve made have somehow diminished you, that things aren’t happening fast enough for you, that there isn’t enough time to do all that you need to get what you want and become who you need to be – all these thoughts, spinning and churning inside you like a sickening mess until the only relief you find is in your (secret or public) addictions and a deadly 'everything-is-ok' facade. Those who experience this existential crisis, also known as 'the dark night of the soul', may well find this to be combined with renewed or ongoing physical illness or symptoms of discomfort, all of which is nothing less than an attempt to get your attention.

Several choices present themselves at this point (although ‘choice’ may be a cruel turn of phrase as, so often, we might feel there is no choice involved but a steady slide downhill, dragged by the gravitational pull of our early childhood programming that only a wilful ‘no!’ – a sideways foot, a holding on with hands and knees – can stop). Some will, indeed, feel helpless to stop the slide and it will lead them where it may. Others might, finally, stop to consider what it is inside them that is inducing these feelings, this despondency and, as well as surface habits, consider the deeper-rooted causes of their pain, perhaps through talk-based therapy, joining support groups to overcome addiction, and so forth.

Others, still, will finally be ready for the work. And therein lies the paradox: to do such deep, intensive, emotion-based inner work that empowers you to rip up the old, poison-roots of your negative patterns and behaviours and, in their stead, re-plant life-giving seeds and commit to nurturing them at that deepest level for the rest of your life, you need to be both on your knees and aware of your most vital strength. To be at your most fragile and determined. At your most fearful and courageous.

This is when the need is strongest. And it will, inevitably, come at the least convenient moment – when it’s least feasible, least affordable, least desirable to yourself and others around you, who might mock you if they knew. There will be a hundred reasons to delay doing this work until ‘my health has improved’, ‘until I have some time off’, ‘until I can afford it along with my other plans’, ‘until I’m in a less toxic friendship group or intimate relationship’… the irony being that the work itself is what will allow all of the latter to shift.

Add to this the fact that there will only ever be one good reason for doing it – you. Finally understanding who you truly are, attending to your own feelings of wellbeing, meaning, and fulfilment in this life, and seeing the fruits of that attendance unfold in both your inner and outer life as you begin to connect with others from a very different and deeply authentic basis - from the foundations rather than the facade.

Whether you are 30, 90 or anywhere in between, it’s never too late to do this work in terms of the deep joy, satisfaction and relief to be found in it. In other terms – your life, habits, health, work, family, and other choices – there may be wisdom in undertaking it sooner rather than later.